


Only time will tell

by mainland



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 13:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15486387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mainland/pseuds/mainland
Summary: Understanding who someone is to you is a gradual process. Wang Ziyi and Cai Xukun develop a relationship.





	Only time will tell

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a billion years ago so it's very outdated... but I wanted to at least (kind of) see it through u__u;;

Ziyi is an open-minded guy, and after the company signed them up for the show he looked forward to the competition not only for the career opportunities, but also for the potential camaraderie. He even searched online for lists of rumoured participants a couple of times, wondering about the network of like-minded people he might meet and the things he might learn from them or, better, that they might share with each other. Still, as receptive as he was, as filming commenced and the trainees introduced themselves, Ziyi quickly formed expectations for whom he would get along with. 

He didn't think - or dare? - to expect anything from the Cai Xukun of Super Idol fame, but the first time he seeks out the A-rank practice room after midnight, eight hours after their first lesson on the choreography for the theme song, he's greeted by Xukun's startled face, already shiny with sweat.

"Hello," Ziyi says, oddly shy. "Sorry to interrupt, bro. I thought I'd go over the steps again while they're still fresh…"

Xukun pushes his bangs back, stale hairspray making them stick out at a funny angle. "No problem," he says, friendly enough. "Actually, I was just trying to figure out if I remembered this part right."

Ziyi shows him how it's supposed to go. Later at their next lesson, they realize Xukun was correct after all and Ziyi feels embarrassed until Xukun leans over to call him a swindler in a stage whisper.

"This should teach you not to give me that much credit," Ziyi argues with a grin. 

"Ge, best not to trust him _or_ give him any credit." A passing Justin advises on his way to the Nongfu Spring vitamin water shelf display, and a wick of affection lights in Ziyi's chest when Xukun hides his laugh behind his sleeve and loyally shakes his head to disagree.

 

 

Getting to know everyone in the beginning is like feeling out a sprawling spider web with blind fingertips, mapping the relationships of a hundred trainees who have or haven't heard of one another, who may or may not already share history from other lifetimes. Everyone has watched Zhengting's and Justin's clips from Produce 101, and Zhou Rui is so quickly absorbed by the Grammarie boys that he has to remind people he's actually an independent trainee, thank you. Qin Fen spends half an hour between takes back-slapping with Jackson Wang, sending a ripple of awe and envy through their onlookers, though the shrewder trainees are more jealous of Zhu Xingjie's familiarity with some of the iQiyi production staff.

There's a silly turf war in the cafeteria on the second day when someone draws a battle line between domestic trainees and trainees who have gone abroad - Yu Bin, Qin Fen, and Liang Hui stand like three generals with Zhengting and the Yuehua contingent a step behind, while Bu Fan and Xiao Gui lead the ruckus on the domestic side. Ziyi lifts his eyebrows when Xukun toes over the border and Zhengting stretches over to triumphantly clasp their hands together.

"We met when I was filming my last show," Xukun says to Ziyi after the canteen ladies refill the trays of sweet and sour meatballs and everyone immediately disperses to line up. He hands Ziyi a plastic tray. "The Chinese trainees in Seoul all know each other and Zhengting invited me to join some of Yuehua's practices. And I guess I've also trained in America." He sounds almost sheepish. 

"It's cool you have such a wide background of experience," Ziyi tells him. "It really shows in the depth of your performances."

"Oh, thanks." Xukun brightens. The serving lady ladles out two bowls of meatballs, and he puts the more generous one on Ziyi's tray. "These are your favourite, right?"

On their way to a table, Xukun says, "Sometimes it feels like I've been a bit scattered - of course, every experience is useful, but - that's still nice to hear."

"It's the truth, bro. Now you tell me how you knew my favourite food." 

"He read every single trainee profile. Memorized the stats of one hundred bodies like a serial killer." Zhou Rui appears and spears a meatball from Ziyi's tray the second Ziyi sits down. "Gave me the creeps, I almost asked for a room reassignment."

"Oh my god. I didn't memorize them!" Xukun sputters and Ziyi marvels at the sudden, ludicrous tomato shade of his face. "I just wanted to know who else was going to be here! The profiles are on the app!"

"OK, OK," Zhou Rui says placatingly in English. "Give me half that steamed bun and I won't say another word about your bedroom habits this week."

" _I'm_ going to ask for a room reassignment."

"Headline: diva." Ziyi pans his hand across the air like he's tracing a banner and Xukun drops his head in his arms, his shoulders quivering with mortified amusement.

Ziyi has gotten the impression that, compared to the others, Xukun does not warm up easily. Not in the sense like Zuo Ye's meme-worthy description of an "aloof god" - Xukun is faultlessly friendly and happy to hold a conversation with anyone, but it's always with the feeling that he's holding you at a slight arm's length. He doesn't occupy a room the way Ziyi thought Cai Xukun might; he's usually quiet and frequently alone. This moment is the first time Ziyi sees Xukun act without reservations and he feels inexplicably grateful to Zhou Rui.

"Have another," he says, picking up a meatball and plopping it directly into Zhou Rui's fish-gape mouth.

 

 

If he were a little less open-minded, Ziyi might be taken aback by how instantly he likes Xukun and how much. As it is, he finds himself consciously forming new habits like breaking in a pair of already-soft shoes - no effort needed. Even after the rank reevaluation, he meets Xukun for breakfast on the mornings they have independent practice, and in the evenings Xukun fetches Ziyi to join the pick-up basketball games that are perpetually going on in the gym. 

"I feel neglected, ge," Haokai says in their dorm. 

"Me too." Dong Youlin chimes from Ziyi's desk where he is steaming half a dozen eggs. He knocked on their door five minutes ago, claiming an emergency because all the outlets in his room were being used.

Ziyi tightens the knot on his left shoe and stands. "You can both come, we're just going to the convenience store."

"No, I can't go near that place anymore. I've already had more sodium this week than I've had in a year." Haokai morosely pinches his own cheek.

"Okay, so I'll only bring you back one cup ramen."

"Three if they have the shrimp wonton flavour," Haokai says, then adds offhandedly: "You know, Cai Xukun really isn't as stuck up as I expected."

Ziyi glances at the wall camera pointed in their direction, but thankfully the recording light is off. The producers said they weren't interested in stirring drama and wouldn't be rolling film in the dorm rooms most of the time, but there's a reason gossip is strictly confined to the bathrooms (Ziyi personally subscribes to the philosophy of "if you wouldn't say it on broadcast, don't say it in private," though he knows Haokai didn't intend to be malicious). 

Haokai seems to realize his mistake if his expression is anything to go by, but at least he's smart enough not to continue out loud and try to backpedal or explain himself.

"Yes, I didn't expect such a good stock of vegetables at the convenience store either." Youlin placidly fills in the silence. "Egg?" 

Haokai accepts and peels the egg immediately, stuffing it in his mouth.

"No worries, brothers." Ziyi squeezes Haokai's shoulder and nods at Youlin. "Seriously, none at all. See you later." His reassurance is genuine - similar remarks have been made by several of the trainees and even a few of the teachers, and Xukun doesn't begrudge any of them, understanding it has more to do with the idea of him than him as a person. 

They agreed to meet at the elevators, so that's where Ziyi waits until Xukun appears, hair damp and Zhengting hanging off one arm. 

"Sorry I'm late," Xukun says right away. "We got caught up trying to nail the timing of this one part."

"It was more like a single move rather than a whole _part_. Just this leg thing" - Zhengting demonstrates - "Kunkun kept saying 'one more time, one more time' and got everyone else obsessed with it too." 

"Only after you pointed out the _thing_ to begin with!"

Ziyi feels a twinge of envy and thinks it's stupid to want to be A-rank for any reason but the most self-explanatory one, and yet. "Well, I welcome any tips you can share. Zhengting, are you coming to the store?"

"Yes, I'm starved! My stomach feels like it's eating itself."

"I'll show you when we're outside." Xukun promises, and disentangles himself from Zhengting when the elevator arrives.

True to his declaration, once they exit the building Zhengting deems them too slow and rushes ahead as Xukun counts Ziyi through a set of beats. Ziyi hadn't been particularly struggling with that section of the dance, but he's pleased to discover how much the slight adjustments help to ease his transition to the next move. He may objectively be the better dancer, but Xukun's ability to learn and synthesize isn't confined to a single skill.

A sudden startled look crosses Xukun's face and he stumbles over his feet. Ziyi catches his elbow and at the same time quells a prickle of self-consciousness. There's no one but them around - had he done something strange with his face?

"Low blood sugar." Xukun jokes and rotates his ankles to prove there's no harm done. "Come on, let's catch up to Zhengting before he buys all the good stuff."

 

 

Zhang PD announces the first group challenge, and Xukun selects him first - makes him the first trainee to be selected - for his team. The cameras swivel to capture everybody's reaction from multiple angles and Ziyi recognizes this might become the segment that cements his name in the viewers' memories. His chest swells - he has his pride, after all, and he jogs across the floor to take the place claimed for him, only looking away from Xukun's beaming face long enough to hug him. 

Their team is sick. Zhou Yanchen and Zhou Rui are both trainees he really got along with in the B class, and the song is an undeniable earworm. Ziyi hasn't felt this excited to practice since BBT's debut and everyone else seems to be in a similar mood. The choreo reveal is a slight damper, but less so than their on-camera fretting would imply. Only Xukun is initially genuinely concerned that he's forced everyone into an uncomfortable concept. 

"The only thing that's uncomfortable is how comfortable it is." Zhengting reassures him, patting Xukun's knee. "I signed away my dignity with my trainee contract when I hit puberty. You can make it up to us by being the most adorable center ever."

Xukun's face is caught between mollified and alarmed. "Can we negotiate these terms..."

"Democratically, you're outvoted," says Zhou Rui, "and as your leader, you're also overruled."

Zhengting tosses two spicy beancurd snacks at Xukun. "Eat these before Chengcheng comes looking for them, and then we're done babying you." 

Xukun puts one in Ziyi's lap and tears the other one open. "If you don't want Chengcheng to eat snacks why do you keep buying so many?" 

"Because if I want to eat anything I have to buy at least four or else I'll never get a bite." 

"Sounds cozy." 

Zhengting snorts. "You want those idiots, you can have them."

Xukun looks a little wistful. Ziyi isn't close with Zhengting and doesn't think he'll ever understand the inner workings of the Yuehua troupe, but they have something that Xukun sometimes seems to long for, just a little bit. He's been by himself for a long time; Ziyi's not sure SWIN ever really cohered enough to be a real group, despite how supportive the other members seem to be of Xukun.

Hideously, Ziyi had begun to get used to being the only person Xukun relaxes around in a room. But Zhengting is an old friend and Zhou Rui is Xukun's roommate, and Ziyi is both foolish and selfish enough to feel a little left out. It's not that he wants Xukun to have less, but rather he wants to be more - for him, or maybe _to_ him. Ziyi wants to be that source of strength.

He reaches for the snack Xukun dropped between his legs, but Yanchen's swift fingers dart to it first.

"Too slow!" He crows.

Ziyi blows out his cheeks. Xukun's brow has smoothed out and he's grinning at something Zhou Rui said, effectively cheered up. Too slow, too slow.

 

 

Speaking broadly, Idol Producer is almost everything Ziyi wished for it to be. He's not high enough in the rankings to start hoping to make the final line-up and he's not even sure how well the show is doing, though from the sheer number of votes the ratings should be respectable (on the other hand, the trainees keep trying to estimate what percentage are just IKUNs voting over and over). But even if he's ultimately eliminated and the production is a flop, Ziyi will treasure this as one of the most valuable experiences of his life. The staff are kind, he's learning so rapidly he can see the day-to-day improvements in his dancing and rapping, and he's met people he'll probably call friends for life. The dorm atmosphere is straight out of a college movie, often to excess - Bu Fan apparently never sleeps, stays in his own room, or shuts up, and back when Ziyi roomed next to Xingjie and Xiao Gui he had to wear his winter earmuffs to bed.

It's incredible. Mainland idol culture is largely unstructured and informally established, and Ziyi never thought he would be in an environment so attuned to his every feeling and need. "It's not like we're in Korea, you know?" he said to Qin Fen once, who just shook his head. 

"Even Korea wouldn't be like this for us," Han Mubo said sharply at the time.

Xukun is undoubtedly Ziyi's closest new friend, but not his only one. The one small upside to the first elimination was moving into Youlin and Ruibin's dorm. Out of some misplaced combination of sorrow and guilt, he devotes the following few days to nurturing the harmony of his new rooming situation, meaning he spends a lot of time inside sitting on his bed and is unusually enthusiastic about accompanying his roommates anywhere.

"I'm just going to the main bathrooms to poop so I don't stink up ours." Li Xikan says in response to one of his offers of company. "You really don't need to come."

"Oh, right. Yeah, no problem bro." Ziyi sits back down and picks up his trainee diary, flipping through the pages and pretending he just remembered something important.

It keeps tugging at him, how Haokai and his other bandmates teased him for neglecting them. He knows they weren't serious, but now that they've been sent home and he's the only one left representing Simply Joy Music, Ziyi regrets not spending more time with them, particularly not displaying more of an emotional rapport on camera to make BBT memorable to the audience. It feels a little like he left his team to drown while he hogged an entire lifeboat. They're the ones he'll return to in the end, probably much sooner than in eighteen months. Ziyi usually trusts himself to be someone who takes care of those around him, but now he wonders how much he slipped up.

A knock on the door. 

"It's open!"

Xukun pops his head in. His hair looks newly trimmed.

"Hey, long time no see." Xukun jokes. They broke from practicing Papillon half an hour ago and have another session planned before dinner. Ziyi is supposed to be working on his individual lyrics right now. "I brought some monkfruit tea for your throat."

Ziyi takes the thermos gratefully. "A conscientious leader."

Xukun rolls his eyes and draws a chair up to Ziyi's bed, close enough for their knees to brush. "Where's everyone?"

"Xikan is… in the bathroom. Everyone else is probably practicing."

"Ugh, just hearing that makes me feel guilty. You know, I see that stupid wallpaper all the time now, because whenever I'm awake I'm in the practice room and when I'm asleep I dream about being there too."

Ziyi peers at Xukun as if he can detect whether the bags under Xukun's eyes are darker than normal. "Are you having trouble sleeping? I have a herbal mix that helps."

"No thanks, I'm okay for now." Xukun props his chin in his hand. "You though? Holding up without your members?"

Of course he's this transparent, Ziyi thinks, but a slow-spreading warmth takes the edge off the feeling of being cracked like a chestnut. Of course Xukun would notice. "I'm getting there," he admits. "It makes me think about what it's going to be like… after. When all of this is over and we're back in the real world."

"Scary, right." Xukun runs his finger over the fabric of Ziyi's sweatpants folded against the bedspread, not touching Ziyi's leg itself. "And after the debut group stops promoting too…" Xukun's seen firsthand the limited longevity of trending fame. 

"It's not productive to dwell on those thoughts though. No matter what happens, we gotta live, right? We're still young enough to improvise. We'll figure it out along the way."

Ziyi suddenly feels bad about withdrawing from Xukun, if only within his own mind. Problems begin when people stop being honest with one another and start guarding themselves, all the unspoken things becoming like air bubbles building up in a bloodstream; at some point, it can trigger a critical failure. His father's eldest brother has always said that a clever rabbit has three burrows, that you can't rely on a single strategy if you want to obtain the most profit from a situation, but Ziyi is a believer in the power of going all in. He's never had much aptitude for business, anyway. 

"Thank you, that makes me feel better," he says sincerely, and Xukun looks a bit embarrassed, so he lightens it with a tease. "A conscientious _and_ inspirational leader. I'm lucky." 

"Hey," Xukun says. "Doesn't your throat hurt? Shouldn't you talk a little less?"

 

 

The first hour they get their phones back, the entire production campus falls under a hush, every trainee thirstily drinking in the connection to the outside world and backreading through weeks of missed content. After Ziyi sends messages to his family and catches up on his friends' feeds, he searches his hashtag on Weibo. His heart literally speeds up when he sees how much his follower count has ballooned.

It's amazing and funny and incredible to realize how popular the show is, to scroll through all the memes created and shared of him and his new friends. Ziyi saves so many he has to uninstall some apps to make room. There are several standout jokes and story lines - though, it goes without saying, not all are positive. They're drawing close to the end of another voting period and his fans seem particularly agitated. 

Well, his fans and Xukun's fans.

"Sorry," is the first thing Xukun says to him when they gather for dinner. It's still unusually quiet, everyone with one thumb on their phones. 

"Don't worry about it," Ziyi says, firmly enough to end the conversation. He's a hypocrite though, because his brain _is_ worrying about it even as he switches the topic to Fan Chengcheng's superhuman memeability.

Does he seem too attached to Xukun? Is it one-sided? A vocal segment of IKUNs accuse him of using Xukun for popularity, and while Ziyi knows that's not true and so does Xukun (probably), Ziyi is also aware that, on television, the truth of something doesn't matter as much as the appearance of it. Does it _look_ like he's using Xukun? Apparently, the answer is yes. And while Ziyi wishes he were secure enough to ignore it for poorly surmised gossip, it doesn't take long for him to double back with another worry. 

If it's so obvious that Ziyi is leeching off Xukun, that implies some level of one-sidedness. Fact: Xukun likes him and they are good friends. Another fact: things exist in degrees. Can he compare how much he likes Xukun to how much Xukun likes him? In their second week, Ziyi swapped the regular hand cream in his bag for a jar of horse oil since Xukun's hands were always cracked from overwashing, and added a small tub of aloe gel in case of rash flare-ups. Zhengting had asked, half-joking, which of his girlfriends taught him to be such a good boyfriend (to which Ziyi replied: "I've had a lot of experience taking care of children.").

Ziyi is not petty enough to believe Xukun should reciprocate cent for cent, as if that's something that's possible to conceptualize. He just doesn't want to look back and realize he's embarrassed himself. He takes a risk that night and asks his roommates, posing the question as hypothetically as possible.

"You could try letting them come to you." Youlin muses. "It's easier to go along with something than to say no, and it's easier to say no than to initiate. If you cool off a little and they really miss you, they'll probably do something about it. Unless they're super oblivious."

Ruibin snaps his fingers. "Maybe you should try making them jealous."

Neither suggestion sits well in Ziyi's chest, but he thanks them for their advice anyway.

He manages to put it out of his mind the next morning until he's filled his tray from the breakfast bar and spots Xukun alone at their usual table. Ziyi steps forward, then hesitates. Xingjie and Zhou Rui are sitting just a few paces away. He could eat with them; he could pretend he didn't see Xukun if Xukun asks later. 

He takes a second longer to decide than he should have, but rationalizes that he hasn't caught up with Zhou Rui in a long time and slides in next to him just as Xukun lifts his head. Their eyes catch - Ziyi averts his gaze almost quickly enough to maintain the plausibility of his prepared excuse. He stuffs a fried dough stick in his mouth, face faintly burning, and leans in to whatever story Zhou Rui is recounting.

He finishes his meal and so do Xingjie and Zhou Rui. Xukun gets up to return his tray and leaves the cafeteria without acknowledging their table. It doesn't mean anything - one omitted exchange from opposite corners of a huge room. Ziyi wouldn't have noticed if it had been anyone else. 

The shape of Xukun's back sticks in his mind like a neon sign. 

"Kun mad at you or something?" Xingjie asks casually. 

Zhou Rui elbows him. "Don't stick your nose into other people's lover's spats," he hisses, though he's loud enough that Ziyi is not sure if he actually meant to defend Ziyi or aid Xingjie in mocking him.

"See you guys later." Ziyi tells them. He leaves through the door he entered; that is to say, not in the same direction as Xukun. His chest and feet feel heavy, like he's again a kid who has done something unpleasant and waits to be scolded. He hadn't looked at Xukun enough to see his facial expressions, so it's possible Xukun hadn't noticed anything and Ziyi was conjuring up this mess all from one side. Again.

"Hey."

Ziyi spins around at the touch on his shoulder and inadvertently blows out all the air he'd sucked into his cheeks. Xukun flinches and tries to blink some spit out of his eye. 

"Wow, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Xukun wipes his face delicately. "I'm sorry too." He eyes Ziyi warily, but doesn't hesitate with his next words. "All the stuff they're saying online - I know it's not true. I hope you do too."

It's the last thing he expected to hear and, taken aback, Ziyi doesn't know how to respond - if he should rush to reassure Xukun, especially now that he's received reassurance first, or admit to the doubt that had taken root in his mind. Xukun's gaze starts to waver, his ears and cheeks turning redder with every second that passes in silence, and Ziyi struggles to dislodge his voice from his throat before Xukun breaks eye contact entirely. 

"Y-yeah, I do. I mean" - his voice steadies as he finally finds the strength to reciprocate Xukun's courage - "It's not true for me. I thought you knew too, but I wasn't sure. It's my fault; I let it get to me." After Ziyi speaks, a visible tension leaves Xukun's shoulders and the space between his eyes, like Xukun hadn't had full faith in what he'd said until hearing Ziyi's confirmation in turn, despite his straightforward words. Ziyi thinks there must have been many instances for Xukun where it _had_ been true, when so-called friends had wanted him just to rub off some of his gilding. The worst case scenario here for Ziyi would have been some humiliation; for Xukun, it would have been a deeper hurt, another betrayal of his trust. There was no way Xukun hadn't had doubts of his own, and yet he still took the first step. 

Ziyi grips Xukun's shoulder suddenly, wanting to anchor him. "I'm sorry for ignoring you in the cafeteria too. I got some bad advice that I shouldn't have listened to." Stupid to think he could bear to try and make Xukun jealous. Xukun, who already carries more than his fair share of stresses and burdens and relies on attention and praise more than he'd like to admit, a true flower born under the lights of the stage.

Xukun cups the wrist of the hand Ziyi has on him. "I turned down some big ticket drama roles to do this show," he says. "My agent and my family weren't sure it was the right decision. The show's not over yet, but I already know it was." Xukun gives him a smile, and Ziyi unconsciously straightens his back; steps forward. "It's already been worth it."

"This is just the beginning," Ziyi tells him and tries to make it sound a little like a promise. This is just the start of things; they don't know how any of it will turn out, what mark it will leave on their lives or what shape will unravel between them at the end of the road.

"I have a great track record with beginnings. Still haven't stuck a finish." Xukun jokes, but the tension is all gone, now. 

"You didn't have my help before." Another promise, firmer than the first. Xukun snorts at him, but squeezes his fingers around Ziyi's wrist, and Ziyi grins back, comfortable to let Xukun make like they're both kidding around. There's time and space enough for steadfastness, should it come.


End file.
